14 Days and 14 Ways to Love Our Husbands: Day 1–Resign Resentment
Today is February 1 and Valentine’s Day is just two weeks away, so I thought it would be fun to spend the next 14 days focusing on ways to show our husbands how much we love them.
This is a big step for me, because I usually hate Valentine’s Day. Something about the pressure and expectations used to stress me out and send me in a frenzy. But this year I asked Jared to make a reservation at our favorite steak house. No gifts or flowers, just a nice dinner out and an evening with my husband. Maybe I’m finally secure enough in our relationship that I’m not pressured to be something I’m not on special occasions. Or, maybe I’m just extra smitten this year, I don’t know.
One reason I’m resistant to celebrating Valentine’s Day is that it’s so commercial and it often has little to do with love. So, if I’m going to celebrate this year, I want to do it for the right reasons and with the right mindset. I want to take it as an opportunity to look at how I’m doing in the Giving Love Department and see if there are ways I can become a better Coach’s Wife.
As a powerlifting and baseball coach’s wife, this is a really busy season for us. In fact we had to make our Valentine’s Day reservations around game and practice schedules. When he gets really busy, I have a tendency to get resentful. We literally plan everything, including our wedding, our future children, date nights, and so forth around sports. We even planned our latest vacation around attending The National Championship Game at The Rose Bowl. Some days I’d just like the world to revolve around me!
Every time I throw a fit about my world revolving around sports, I put my husband in a no-win situation. He has a job that supports us, that makes him happy, and that I actually enjoy a lot of the time (like summers, Christmas break and game days). Do I really want him to throw all of that away?
So day one of 14 Days and 14 Ways to Love Our Husbands, I’m proposing that we retire our resentment. For me, I hope it will look something like this: When I feel resentful of his career or jealous of the time he spends away, I will remind myself of the sacrifices he’s made for me (there are plenty), the time he carves out for me despite his schedule (it’s actually quite a bit), and remember that as good as it sounds, the world simply doesn’t revolve around me.
Are there any resentments you can let go of today that are getting in the way of loving your spouse well? What would retiring that resentment look like for you?
Rachel,
I totally understand where your coming from about the resentment. Of course I do, I’m a coach’s wife, too! I used to HATE anything that took Jeff away from me and our kids. It wasn’t until we went to a Coaches Outreach Marriage Conference (we had been married 10 years!) that I began to see that coaching isn’t a job, it is a ministy. For some kids, Jeff is the only positive male role model they have. WOW. When I thought about it like that, I felt so selfish for wanting him at home. I stil think, “My kids KNOW what a good, Godly father is, some of your athletes do not. GO BACK TO SCHOOL. They need you worse. Go show them how to become good men.”
Jeff and I do not have a problem being demonstrative in front of the students. We are just naturally affectionate towards each other, and we don’t hide it at school events. (Well, no making out – LOL) We have had MANY parents come up to us and thank us for showing the kids how a husband and wife should treat each other. Some of the kids have never seen a husband respect his wife, hold the door open, offer his hand, etc.
The first time Jeff kissed me in front of the team after a game, there were wolf whistles and cat calls and lots of teasing. By the time the season was over, the kids were saying AWWW instead of EWWW. LOL They even got really upset with Jeff when he DIDN’T kiss me after a game one night(he was talking to the officials) and they made such a fuss that he stopped what he was doing and smooched me. ;o)
All that being said…Letting go of my resentment was the best thing I ever did for our marriage. We just celebrated our 14th anniversary January 20th, and we are happier than we have EVER been!!!
Best of luck to your team this season!!
Happiness always to you and your coach!
Robin Wheat (Coach Wheat’s Wife)
“My faith in God is not affected by my being a coach’s wife. My being a coach’s wife is affected by my faith in God.”
GO BUFFALOES!!!
Robin Wheat
February 4, 2010
Robin, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that LO has a coach like Jeff. I don’t know many of the kids there any more, but it will always have a special place in my heart. Thanks for being an encouragement to me as I’m still in the early years of this whole coach’s wife thing. I’m sure resentment will show it’s ugly head a few more times, but knowing I have a whole network of other wives going through the same thing is really helpful.
Rachel Randolph
February 5, 2010
Just read all of your posts so far (Feb)….definitely inspiring and well, ugh, maybe even a bit convicting,,,,okay very convicting.
Love the way you write! Your transparency, wisdom and genuine sweetness are encouraging and make me miss you even more!
Dawn Walck
February 5, 2010
I miss you, too, Dawn!! I saw that you guys are studying James (I think). I sure wish I was there. I loved doing an in-depth study on that book in college. Hugs.
Rachel Randolph
February 5, 2010
[...] feeling better now after taking a hot bath and apologizing to my sweet husband. As I mentioned on Day 1, I’m really not a fan of this [...]
Marriage Check-Up: Day Fourteen of 14 Days & 14 Ways to Love Our Husbands « The Reluctant Coach's Wife
February 15, 2010